While I know that this is a few years old, in the style of a “tall tale”, I like to share it anyways.  Its less a stretching of truth and more how I feel about who I am – which I guess may not be the case.

I am an energetic figure, often seen scaling air moleculesImage and other difficult terrain. I have been known to play a rather mean hand of Charades while simultaneously teaching Biblical concepts using real Lego’s®. I am a pro in Calvin-ball, an amature in wallyball,
and a fugitive in Texas.

I woo computers into submission with a personalized unquestionable-version of full contact keyboarding. I can escort a tough pair of soles short distances, very quickly, provided they’re a size 7, and I can make a mouth-watering meal of Mac & Cheese in
less than twenty minutes. VCRs do not frighten me.

Using only a sweatshirt and some string, I once single-handedly rescued a small group of children from the onslaught of thousands of cats and dogs. I have served at the White House, and know how to defend myself using only a sheet of paper and a rubber band. I
happen to know the meaning of life, the universe and everything. Batman and Superman were students of mine.

I have sung with Steven Curtis Chapman, Rascal Flatts, and the radio. On weekends, to let off steam, I sing in the rain. I have been known to heft UFO’s great distances with deadly speed and accuracy. I am the subject of several documentaries and songs. I sing tenor, I was scouted by the Royals, I’m a Crest-kid at

I have evidence that may bring to light the true culprits behind the La Torre de Pisa incident. Luigi is a brother of mine. I was once attacked by a bunch of grapes, contracted cabin-fever and pink eye, and survived. Children trust me.

I soar. I dance. I dive. I dodge. I dare. I dream. I love my parents. I have appeared in comic strips and in Berlin, but never in court. I have captained a small vessel through dangerous waters, been attacked by pirates, walked the plank, and saved the ship and crew.


This is slightly modeled after this one, which came forward many years ago, but I still think it’s a great way to introduce myself or at least let people imagine who I am based on a boring bio.


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